Christ and Bananas

A very good friend of mine is an atheist; love him to bits, known him for years. We’ve spent many evenings (and still do) discussing the finer points of that type of bollocks. He’s recently entered some very sticky territory though... that of the good old creationist/fundamentalist Christian. I have always maintained that religion itself is not a problem. People find it a comfort, and I’m not one to take that away from them. Sadly though, religion is often tied up in civil unrest and war. I’d argue, it’s not religion that does it- it’s human nature, religion’s just the reason given for wanting more land/power/that cute bird you’ve fancied for ages.  You can argue that if you take the religion away, they don’t have that excuse... but I’d bet evens that they’d find another, or may (gasp) just have to be honest about what it really is driving them.

However, back to our creationists: Interesting bunch. They call themselves the ‘bearers of truth’ and claim everyone who does not believe in God will burn in Hell. Nice. I’m quite happy with that, comfy in my knowledge that there’s no Hell, as are the many atheists that frequent these sites, trying to enlighten the blinkered. It’s punishment I wouldn’t go looking for but I have had a brief interlocking with them. 

The atheists had posted something about Odin, no doubt on the wind-up, trying to poke the Christians. I responded in defence and left something of a ‘Paganism for Dummies’ post. This was deleted about 20 minutes afterwards for being ‘off-topic’, ‘Christophian’ and an ‘attack on the bearers of truth’. I piped up to say I felt this was religious intolerance, all I’d done was explain what mine was, and as for Christ, who sadly has no evidence of ever existing, I actually quite like the idea of him. He’s a sandal-wearing, wise, hippy type who performs magic (loaves and fishes) and does rituals (last supper), what’s not to like? The man was clearly a gnat’s fart away from reaching for his book of shadows! After having stated something similar, and that because of this I felt something of a kinship towards ole J.C, I was told I obviously couldn’t do, because then I’d be a Christian! No mate, I wouldn’t... I travel alone on my path and meet my deities along the way, I don’t follow, I share. I don’t worship, I respect. 

Any old celebrity who’s had halfwits blindly agreeing with them all their lives and is always with people, but forever alone... they’ll tell you which of the two they’d rather have. People who feel the need to be agreed with all the time are usually insecure control freaks: that’s not an assumption, I’ve seen it in practice many times, as I’m sure you have. I’m sure no self-respecting God or Goddess would expect this; in fact I think they’d look down on it. If they’re agreeing with your mind constantly... how can they have one of their own?

I’m acutely aware of this, having been someone who lost her mind temporally over something that, looking back now, really wasn’t worth it. Recent events dictate that it was never what I thought it was and I was just deluding myself... it’s not a nice wake up call, but it’s a handy one.  I’ve never been one to blindly agree, but when you give so much and get the odd banana thrown back at you for being a good little monkey, ya gotta hop outta the cage and flee the zookeeper, while resisting the urge to fling shit and booking an appointment to overcome that Stockholm syndrome that’s been pissing you off so much. I doubt that particular zookeeper will even notice the cage is empty, much less care... but we’ll see. The best thing to happen is I have my mind back... and while it’s a dangerous place to be sometimes, it’s mine, and nothing will be taking it away again. 

Internet Phishing

By the time you’re 35, if you’re all about what other people think, then you missed life’s field trip on self-awareness. I’m sat here eating re-heated pepperoni pizza in a t-shirt with a hole in it, and I’d quite happily do this at the queen’s house if she’d let me. It’s about being who you are, y’see, life... even if you’re a bit shoddy like me, and bite your nails, drink too much Relentless and coffee and don’t empty your ashtray until it’s like the magic porridge pot... you’re worthy. Understand though, this does not give you licence to stomp on other people, because they’re worthy too.... (not all of them, obviously that bloke who shagged your mother and your sister, well, he’s a bit of a cad), most people, though, are just like you, struggling through the giant game of hook-a-duck we call ‘life’.

Speaking of hook-a-duck: Being single now is a whole new game, because unlike the social animals our ancestors were, we have the internet... yes the very beast allowing me to do this now, oh how we love it. If you’re looking, or even if you’re not, it’s interesting to see some of what’s on offer, and how the internet, rather than being a disadvantage in dating (this is only if you, like most people, have an IQ higher than that of a bath mat and don’t believe that gorgeous bloke from Saudi wants to marry you after a week and needs £10,000 to travel over) can be the best way ever to meet that person you don’t mind hearing you fart...

Okay, you’ve all heard an internet dating nightmare... no? Ok, well, for my part, the internet is a huge sieve.... only the good stuff can get through, plus, the internet has a block button, we ‘like’ this, don’t we FB users? ;)

Names have been changed to protect the disgusting/emotionally stunted/weird... and only in these circumstances can I call ANYBODY weird...

Basically, a list of dubious men I’ve encountered while ‘fishing’:

Graham (Mr lovely until you give him your number):

Seemed to be a nice man, normal-looking, ok to chat to, seems interested in me, and asks the right questions, we got on alright. And then I gave him my number. After the initial first text of ‘Hi babe, thanks for texting’, I receive, 2 minutes later, a picture message, yes, that’s right, a huge great cock on my screen. I did consider giving it marks out of 10, and also making some suggestions re: intimate topiary... however, before I got the chance I receive a message saying, ‘Can I have a pic back?’ I replied, ‘Yes, babe’, waited a few minutes and then sent him one... of a giraffe.

Mark (Mr Msn):

Again, seems reasonably normal at first messages, a bit cocky (although not as much as Graham up there), loves himself a bit, brags about his car, house, etc... he does have a sense of humour though, or so I think, so when I’m asked to make the small step of adding him to msn, I do it. The next day, BAM! I log into msn and the orange is flashing almost before the little bald blokes have stopped twirling. Bloody Hell, he’s keen. Not even ‘hello’... not a wink, not a nudge, not even an emoticon, but... ‘Put your cam on then’. Erm, no... a) I don’t have one, and b) why the fuck should I? After being told no, slightly more politely than that, it has to be said, he proceeds with his rant. How I’m ‘boring’ and do what ‘society dictates’ not what I want to do... hello, dude, you’re missing the point, I did not want to go ‘on cam’ for you, or anyone else. At which point I explain to him the reason he might still be single, it has to do with being a pervert with no respect for women who knows a few long words and shouldn’t use them too much for fear he hurts himself, I don’t think he liked it much. I then, of course, blocked him.

Pedro (Mr OMG):

Beautiful looking, and I mean yum, young, healthy, but short on conversation... his message says, ‘I love BBW, I want you to dominate me and shit in my mouth’. Erm, no.... *block*

Keith (Mr Married):

There are two variations of Keith. There’s Keith who tells you he has a wife (it doesn’t bother him if you’re a slapper then) and Keith who doesn’t. Keith who doesn’t will message you ‘Are you free tonight, I cud cum round 4 sum fun’, then before you get the chance to bollock him for the cheek... his account is deleted. Keith who will just keep... messaging... you... even though you’ve told him to sling his hook. *block*

Yes, I know, that all sounds pretty bad... however. I’ve met some lovely blokes too... the ones who are can be found on my FB as I’d like to keep them as mates even though nothing happened because they’re good people. I’m just thinking though, that recently, I made a good catch in my net, one that makes me smile, a lot. It just goes to show, that self-awareness thing (i.e. being you), there’s a lot to be said for it.

Plathology

Okay, I can kind of relate to Sylvia Plath. Is that a bad thing? Hmmm... thinking it probably is since the woman gassed herself. Wrote some damned good poetry before she shuffled off the mortal coil though, (every time I use that phrase I have a Monty Python 'Dead Parrot' flashback). They should make it a science, like Maureen Lipman said in the BT ads, it could be an 'ology'.

It's a Sunday... I should have been out last night, but wasn't, the usual financial bollocks keeping me prisoner in my own home. That said, between the cat of fail and the insano-dog, I'm kept busy. I miss my daughter a lot at weekends, she's my company. Despite being so similar we're always arguing, she's also damned fun to talk to. She's very sarcastic and quick. I have no idea where she got that from...

I'm no longer going to uni... babysitting child-minding problems, me feeling guilty for not being with my girl etc... I know I should have gone, and I can't think about not going as it's too depressing. The feeling is akin to taking a swig out of that lager can at a party that you thought was yours, but is actually the one that's been used as an ashtray. So now I have to apply for jobseekers allowance, because the government says my child is old enough that I have to seek work. Great stuff... so, erm, where are all these jobs that last from 9.30am to 2.30pm then? I WOULD have had childcare in the form of pine cones, a local after school club, BUT aforementioned government, in their wisdom, closed it down. I mean, I'm not one of those who has the answers to all governmental problems... I need to have several JDs and a like-minded drinking buddy to come up with such works of genius, but come on... take the child care away and make people who need child care go to work? A master stroke, indeed! A master stroke that has all the common sense of a dog which insists that the back of a Korean restaurant is the place it wants to be during peak dining times.

And yes, I know it's not the government's fault that I got pregnant, etc... before all you well to do, 'never had to worry about money' lot start... I paid taxes too honey, and mine weren't ever from a well-paid job. Mine were from average or minimum wage jobs... where you work for people who can't grasp the English language, let alone run places. I recently found myself knocked unconscious due to things in my work environment that weren't risk assessed, which should have been (in this case, an outside staircase which was, as Bon Jovi would say, 'Slippery When Wet'). I called the office to report the accident, after having come to, and thrown up, to be told I'd have to do the rest of my calls that day as they had no-one to cover! Hurrah! Ladies and gentleman, a prime example of a well-run work place. I'm not crybabying... I know people have this stuff all the time, how many times have you thought to yourself, about the people 'in-charge', 'what a bunch of idiots, I could do this better blindfold', or stood on your head, reading a playboy, with a cat hanging off your face, while singing 'Hey Jude'... backwards...

The odd thing is, I'm not a cynic, I'm really not! I'm that annoying person who when you're in the depths will tell you, 'It'll be alright' and then try and fathom a way out of it.. yes, I AM that git. That smiley-faced, bouncy, LOUD, git... the one you want to tell to 'Fuck off'... to leave you alone in your misery. I've had to apply that to myself, after occasionally being let down by the very people I thought I could trust... Meh.

If it aint broke, don't fix it. I can be alone, and while it's not always fun... I do quite like me, which I think is a nice thing to be able to say. I know I can muddle through alone, and because of that, if I do take up with someone, it's because I want to, not because I need to. I watch my back a bit more now... that's true. Let's hope it doesn't hinder anything else I might have, lol, although I do think I'd be quite at home as the old lady who sits in the pub, smelling of piss with her gin and ginger on a Sunday afternoon, before she goes home to watch Songs of Praise. That'll never happen to me though. I don't watch Songs of Praise...